I found myself at work for some reason yesterday, which was a Sunday. I had just gotten home from lunch from my Lola's house, and was just about to take a nap when Oli called asking for some data which he needed. Normally I would have been able to send it from my laptop, but I had forgotten to take my laptop charger home from work last Friday so my machine was dead and useless over the weekend. To cut it short, I had to come in to work yesterday.

As I was getting ready to go to work, Gavin came into my dressing room and asked why I was putting on my "going out clothes". I explained that "mommy has to go to work", and that I would only be gone for a short while. He then looked down, and asked in a small voice, "momma please stay home nalang, who will take care of me".

I was beyond depressed..

I think working parents in general, well most of us anyway, would like to believe that our kids will understand why we have to work so hard, that they will eventually understand that it is in fact all for them, and that they won't hate us for always being away. I know that single parents such as myself certainly think that. But if you look at it from Gavin's point of view, it's really not fair to him. Mommy did miss out..

I am beyond worried and beyond guilty that I don't get to spend that much time with Gavin. What classifies as "enough time," and will it ever really be enough? I had spent the entire Saturday sleeping because I came home late from work Friday, so that was 1 day of my weekend with him gone. I was able to spend time with him on Sunday, but I had to go to work late afternoon so that pretty much sucked as well.

Work-life balance? Yeah right.. Sigh.. I envy those who can make it happen.

How I wish..

It's disconcerting just how blatant the distinction is between those that are um, comfortable, and those that aren't. Every night I walk to the nearby 7/11 right next to my office to get myself a drink, and each time I'm always depressed by what I see.. entire families living on the streets, children barely a year old sleeping on cardboard boxes by the side of the road, and sometimes even elderly people selling cigarettes and candy looking hungry as hell. Eventhough I see it every single day, I don't think I could ever disensitize myself to that. Especially when there are children involved.

I love Manila, but if there's one thing I hate about this country.. it's this - the utter lack to take care of our children. It's just plain cruel, and it's never fair.

(*photo courtesy of Ala Paredes)

It is unbearably hot in Manila right now. So hot in fact that I was almost lethargic the entire day. My son didn't mind though, he continued to run around the house screaming at the top of his lungs and announcing to the world just how happy he was.. That made my day better. As a kid I've always loved summer, and seeing Gavin that way brought me back in the day to memories of our yayas dragging us back inside the house kicking and screaming because we didn't want to stop playing in the garden. It was fun.

Now that I'm older, I now look forward to any vacation that I can get, and not just the summer one I used to love. Sigh, sometimes growing up sucks. You have to deal with so many grown-up issues and it is just annoying sometimes.

I'm glad my son is enjoying though..

Well no, not really..

I just decided to resurface this blog again after deciding months ago, that it was time to give it a rest. I have a lot of memories documented on this one, both good and bad, and although some of them I would rather not bring up again, those experiences have ultimately made me the person that I am today. So how can that be a bad thing..

So I've decided to bring this back from the dead.

(Besides, a lot of my friends have been asking me about this, so yeah, I've decided to write again. So please disregard my post below.)

Cool?