I got the effing biggest shock of my life earlier when I plunked myself down at my boss' workstation to plug in and work. I sat down, crossed my legs and felt my foot kick something under the desk. I looked at what it was.. and saw the biggest mother effing mouse trap in my life. It was an actual CAGE that could hold a cat!

So I moved down to the dungeon, plugged in, and after a few minutes heard mad scrambling coming from the ceiling. It sounded like some kind of stampede. I looked up and to my horror saw the boards actually shake.

God.. they're breeding. And they're HUGE. And trust me, they're not the cute kind either.

It was um, an exciting night. We were all on edge waiting for the damn ceiling to crash because of their weight.

Yep, HAHA indeed.

1) Humidity - it does absolutely nothing for the skin and hair.
2) Slow internet connections - you can never do anything with it!
3) Ignorance - it kills.
4) Liars -enough said.
5) Insecurity - it's stupid.
6) People who STILL LIE eventhough you've got them in the nuts already - again, it's stupid.
7) Drama - it's the worst kind of stupid.
8) What you guys did behind my back - it killed.
9) The color purple
10) What happened - ...

I so want to be there right now. I want to get out of the city, and unwind for a few days, take away my baby boy and just relax. I just want to laze and lounge with a caipirinha in one hand, my ipod plugged in, and my baby boy playing in the sand next to me.

Now THAT is the life.

I was all set to sleep after a long but good day with Gavin, when my mom cornered me before I walked off to my room, to go over some of the stats that her civic orgs had recently dug up for her. My mom, who has been retired for a few years now, is very much involved with a lot of social projects, and because we more or less share the same passion for these causes, I always end up having long discussions with her about them. These discussions will usually do one of 2 things to me:

1) Fire me up with anger so bad that I end up swearing at just about everyone who sits in power in the Philippines, and..
2) Depress me so bad that I literally end up not sleeping because of it.

Tonight I went through both. And because I couldn't sleep, I found myself back again online, enduring my painfully slow DSL connection just so I could write this.

Growing up in a developing country is, and will never be easy. Raising your own child in one, is even harder. I'm lucky that growing up I was spared from the truly horrific situations that so many of Manila's children are in now. I was more than fortunate - I had toys, books, all the food and candy I wanted, more than 1 closet filled with shoes and clothes.. I definitely had more than what I needed. I look at Gavin's life now, and he has the exact same way of life now, even more in fact than what I had.. and he's only 3. At face value that may seem wonderful and fantastic, but if you compare it to reality - it's effing ridiculous.

We are 90 million strong in the Philippines as of today. Only 2% of that population is considered well-off, and more than 50% of that number live on a hand to mouth existence. That's effing survival in every sense of the word, and it truly is depressing and enraging. Because I grew up exposed to this, I kind of got desensitized to it after a while because it was just one of those things that we had to "live with" and accept. But now that I have Gavin, it's become.. Sigh, I don't even have a word for it.. a word that describes sheer pain, anger, disappointment, frustration, faith, and hope that it will all be better somehow.

I'm not ecstatic that he's exposed to this, but I'm not sorry that he is either. While yes, I'm very insecure and uncertain about raising him while surrounded by it, it makes me proud when I see that he really does want to hand over through the car window the toy, or the bottle of juice that he has in his hands to a crying street kid, or when he wants to jump out of the car so he can give the barefoot little kid begging on the street the socks and sneakers on his own feet.

And he's only 3.

My desire and my drive to help children intensified when I had Gavin. Now that I'm seeing things through a parent's eyes, it not only enrages me more when I have these discussions with my mom, but it also hurts me more. I hate inequality with a passion. And all this poverty-ridden, scum-ran society just makes it more unjust for everyone, especially the children - and my son.